Everyone Loves Wheeljack
by AutobotV
Summary: After being told by a female Autobot he wasn't that good looking, Wheeljack invents a device to make any machine he wants fall in love with him! However he forgot to add the gender setting! Warning: It's an Transformer Shounen-Ai and hilarious scenes!
1. Part 1

**Everyone Loves Wheeljack!**

**By AutobotV**

_Note: AutobotV is my Username on Divientart! I am planning on cahnging my Username here too!_

Wheeljack grumbled as he walked back to his workshop, clearly in a huff. As he passed fellow Autobots they noticed he was truly in a bad mood. In fact they almost saw storm clouds over his head. Wheeljack walked into his workshop and slammed the door causing a few items to fall off the shelf. He then slumped in his chair and growled.

'Average? Me? Average?' he yelled to himself.

Earlier on Arcee had come to visit from Cybertron to see how things were going for the Autobots on Earth. As they talked Jazz asked Arcee what see thought of the Autobots in the base. Feeling quite giddy she said that she thought Optimus Prime was a hunk, Jazz a pretty bot, Prowl was sexy, Blaster was good looking, Mirage was fine, Ironhide was hot and when she got to Wheeljack she muttered,

'He's…OK. Just average.'

Wheeljack dumped his face in his hands. Back on Cybertron he couldn't even get a girl, everyone else did but him! While everyone left to have some fun with the female robot they picked up he was always left behind. He grumbled to himself and didn't notice that Chip had entered the room.

'Something wrong Wheeljack?' he asked.

'No, nothing, nothings wrong! Who am I kidding, EVERYTHING IS WRONG!!' howled the poor mech.

'Is this because Arcee thought you weren't that good-looking?'

Chip almost fell off his chair when Wheeljack gave him the death glare. Wheeljack then sighed and looked at the screen where he saw his reflection.

'Why don't girls dig me? What don't I have that the others have? Why can't I get a girl to like me' he pondered.

'Wheeljack don't be like that, and besides you can't make a girl fall for you.'

After Chip said those words Wheeljack suddenly sat up. He spun round and looked at Chip.

'Say that again!' he cried.

'I said you can't make a girl fall for you!' replied the handicapped boy.

Chip had to stop himself from falling over when Wheeljack stood up in a victory pose.

'THAT'S IT! I'LL INVENT A DEVICE THAT WOULD MAKE GIRLS FLOCK TO ME! IT'S BRILLIANT! HAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'Ummm….Wheeljack?'

'HAHAHA….Oh sorry, what is it?'

'Isn't that wrong?'

'No it isn't! Now where was I….oh yeah! HAHAHAHAHA!'

Chip sighed and had a feeling this was going to go wrong.

* * *

Wheeljack spent weeks working on his 'Falling in Love' or FIL device hoping that it would work. Going over his blueprints he had made the following calculations.

The device would send a world-wide pulse affecting any female machine on the planet and program it to suddenly find the scientist attractive. Wheeljack couldn't help but chuckle. Thankfully Arcee was still here so he could test it on her. As soon as Wheeljack added the finishing touches he stood back and marvelled at…his…thing?

Wheeljack: It's called FIL!!

AutobotV: It looks like a piece of crap!

Wheeljack: Who asked you? You're the writer here!

AutobotV:….True. Anyway back to the story!

Wheeljack was proud with his FIL (piece of crap),

'I HEARD THAT!'

Anyway Wheeljack decided to test it right now and that's my cue to stand very far back! Wheeljack walked up to the machine and activated it. As it began to hum and whirr Wheeljack couldn't wait for the results (trust me he won't like them) hoping that for once that someone would find him attractive. Within a few minutes the pulse went off…with an explosion to follow! Wheeljack found himself slamming into the wall and everything going dark.

Within moments Wheeljack switched himself back on and looked up. He had blown up his workshop again but he defiantly remembered the pulse going off, meaning that it had to have worked. Standing up he realised his face-guard had cracked and he had no choice but to pull it off.

AutobotV: You know Wheeljack you actually look pretty hot without that!

Wheeljack: Really? Hah! It's working already!

AutobotV: Yeah…right…ummm Wheeljack I'm not a machine!

Wheeljack: Oh sorry.

Anyway Wheeljack decided to clean up before going to see Arcee and began picking up the pieces of his machine thing.

'FIL!'

Alright already! As Wheeljack placed the pieces on his desk he heard the door opened and was surprised to see that Prowl had walked in. Prowl never visited him in his workshop before so it did make wonder what the purpose of his visit was.

'Oh hey Prowl! Sorry about the mess, what can I do for ya?'

Wheeljack waited for an answer back Prowl just stood there staring at him.

'Ummm..Prowl? Hello? CYBERTRON TO PROWL?'

Suddenly Prowl grabbed him and slammed him on his desk. Wheeljack, a little shocked, looked up at Prowl to see he had an unusual look in his optics.

'Prowl? What's the big idea?' demanded the scientist.

'Wheeljack…did anyone tell you how fine you are today?'

'Eh?'

'I was upstairs and I suddenly thought of you all of a sudden. I just had to see you!'

'W-what?'

Wheeljack was a little freaked out that Prowl would act like this. He suddenly loosened himself from Prowl's grip and began backing away from him towards the door.

'W-well Prowl I gotta run! You know what Ratchet's like if I miss an appointment!'

'He can wait….IT'S YOU I WANT!'

Wheeljack yelped when Prowl suddenly tried to pounce on him but missed as the mech dodged and ran for the exit. He slammed the door behind him and stopped to catch his breath.

Wheeljack: Breath? I'm a robot! I don't have lungs!

AutobotV: Look pal! This my story so put up with it!

Wheeljack quickly walked away from his workshop and found himself bumping into Jazz. Maybe he knew what was wrong with Prowl.

'Jazz! Prowl was acting a little funny a second ago, you got any idea why?'

Wheeljack then found that Jazz had pressed him against the wall making the mech freak out a bit more.

'Who cares about that tight-up-his-exhaust bot! How about you and I take a cruise on the wild side!' purred Jazz leaning in a little too close.

Wheeljack ducked causing Jazz to slam his head into the wall. Wheeljack jumped from under Jazz and stepped back in shock.

'Y-y-you were gonna KISS ME!?' he wailed.

'Course I was you fine looking machine! Now come on over here!' replied Jazz reaching out for him.

Wheeljack ran down the hall trying to get a way from Jazz. Prowl had managed to get out of the workshop and saw the bots running.

'Oh no you don't Jazz! He's mine!'

'No way buddy! I saw him first!'

Wheeljack couldn't believe that the bots were fighting over him. Looking back he saw them have a little brawl. How the heck did those two suddenly fall for him? Before Wheeljack could even think what went wrong he suddenly fell over. Something, or someone, had grabbed his legs. Looking down he saw Bumblebee holding onto him, his face red from blushing.

'Wheeljack…there's something I really want to tell you!' he murmured.

Before lil Bumblebee could finish, Brawn suddenly pulled him off.

'No way Bee! I called him first!'

'I like him more than you!' wailed Huffer, grabbing Brawn.

'Well I love him more!' screamed Windcharger, kicking both bots.

'But I LOVE him more than anyone of you!' howled Cliffjumper, punching all three of them.

As the bots fought Wheeljack ran.

'WHAT'S GOING ON?' he wailed.

Looking behind him he panicked when he saw that half the base was after him. Screaming he picked up the pace and looked round for help. Then up ahead he saw Optimus Prime. Feeling relieved he called out to him.

'Prime! Help!'

Prime looked up and saw the chaos. He then quickly opened a door and ushered Wheeljack in.

'Quick Wheeljack! In here!'

As Wheeljack ran in he felt relieved when he heard Prime shut the door behind him to stop the mob that was after him.

'Thanks Prime! You have no idea how…'

He was interrupted when he heard bolts being locked, locks being clicked and codes being punched in. Looking behind he saw that Prime had locked them both in with over a million locks holding the door shut. Wheeljack looked at Prime a little confused.

'Er..Prime..was there any need for that?'

Optimus chuckled.

'How else am I going to keep you from running away, you hot-little-thing-on-wheels?'

'NOT YOU TOO!' wailed Wheeljack, jumping back.

Optimus grabbed him and the only thing that was keeping Wheeljack's body away from Prime's were his arms pressing up against his leader's chest.

'Prime! Wait a minute!' screamed Wheeljack in a panic.

'Oh come now Wheeljack! This is destiny, we were meant for each other!'

'WHAT!'

Before Prime could say anything else the door blasted opened. Looking towards the only exit in the room, Wheeljack saw Bluestreak, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe standing there in anger.

'Prime, you hus-bot! He's my love-machine!' screamed Bluestreak.

Prime tightened his grip around Wheeljack, making the poor mech feel crushed.

'Forget you three, I'm in charge and that means I can get whatever I want!'

'Prime…I…can't…too…tight…!'

'You already have a girl!' argued Sideswipe.

'Dumped her this morning!'

'Too…tight…!'

'Oh….well….WE STILL WANT HIM!' cried Sunstreaker pouncing on the Autobot leader.

Prime had to let go of the mech as all three Autobots pounced on him and began fighting over Wheeljack. Thankfully he managed to escape and was running down the halls, almost crying.

'THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO MEEE!' He wailed.

Wheeljack then slammed into someone and he looked up to see Hound grinning.

'Hey there sexy!' he growled.

Hound, don't even think about it!' warned Wheeljack stepping back.

'Think about what? I got a few thoughts on my mind on what we can do…in private!'

Before Wheeljack could respond he felt himself being picked up and began moving through the air. Hound was shocked as Wheeljack began floating away, but poor Wheeljack was panicking.

'WHAT THE…..WHO THE….DON'T JUST STAND THERE!'

'Relax Wheeljack! Just taking you somewhere where no one can bother us!'

Wheeljack recognized the voice belonging to Mirage and he howled in misery. He jumped out of Mirage's invisible grip and ran off. He ran straight into Ratchet's medical room to find the medic acting like he always did, with his back to him. Wheeljack sighed with relief and approached him.

'Ratchet, I need help! All the Autobots are now trying to…'

Before he could finish Ratchet looked round and grinned, somehow he had managed to find a giant rose and had it in his mouth. Wheeljack's jaw dropped.

'Hey beautiful!' said Ratchet holding out the rose.

As Prime wander down the halls wondering where Wheeljack had gone he saw him literally burst out of the medical bay, screaming, with Ratchet following.

'Wait for me honey!' wailed the medic.

'Get lost Ratchet! He's mine!' screamed Prime running after them.

Wheeljack ran into the control room and rushed up to Teletraan-1.

'Teletraan! Help! What's happening to everyone?' he cried.

'Simple,' replied the computer,

'When you invented the FIL to make female machines fall in love with you, however you forgot to add the gender setting, meaning that only the male machines are now madly in love with you. By the way, you're looking hot !'

Wheeljack dropped his jaw in horror. Then he heard a blast and he spun round to find Optimus Prime, Jazz, Prowl, Ratchet, Bluestreak, Bumblebee and Hound standing there after blasting through the doors.

'He's mine!'

'I SAW HIM FIRST!'

'I…really…like..him'

'Get real, he wants me!'

As the Autobots argued Wheeljack had no choice but to resort to drastic measures. Pushing a button a panel opened on the side of the room revealing the Dinobots.

'Hah! Now no one will have me! Dinobots! Attack!' cried Wheeljack.

The Dinobots did nothing. Wheeljack looked at them.

'Hey guys! Attack them!'

Then Grimlock said something that Wheeljack didn't really want to hear.

'ME, GRIMLOCK, LOVE WHEELJACK!' roared the leader of the Dinobots.

Wheeljack really felt like he wanted to cry but resorted to running out the base with the Autobots and Dinobots on his tail. Out in the open he hoped to get away from them. Suddenly he heard something and turned round to see Ironhide riding on Slag swinging a lasso above his head.

'I'm a comin for ya Wheeljack!' he cried.

Wheeljack ran even faster but Ironhide had thrown the rope and got it round his legs. Wheeljack cried out as he hit the floor face first. Ironhide then quickly got off Slag and tighten the ropes until Wheeljack was on his chest with his hands and feet tied together behind his back with Ironhide standing on his back with one foot. Wheeljack wailed as Ironhide claimed victory.

'Hah! You're mine now Wheeljackie!' he chuckled

However Ironhide forgot about Slag who transformed and began fighting him.

'Me Slag want hot-looking Wheeljack!' he howled.

As the bots fought Wheeljack scooted away and managed to somehow untie the ropes. He then continued to run and then heard another noise. Looking up he saw the giant jet that was Skyfire.

'Hey Wheeljack! You wanna come with me to this exotic place I found off the coast of Hawaii? Just the two of us? Wink, wink!'

Wheeljack screamed and ran even…OK that's it! Wheeljack quit running already!

Wheeljack: What? I'm in great peril here, what am I supposed to do?

AutobotV: Wheeljack did you forget that you're a Transformer?

Wheeljack:………………..oh yeah.

Wheeljack transformed and sped off leaving the Autobots far behind him. He laughed in relief.

'Eat my dust!' he snickered

AutobotV: Ummm…Wheeljack?

Wheeljack: What?

AutobotV: They can transform too.

Wheeljack: OH SLAG!

Wheeljack looked behind him to see the Autobots hot on his tail in their vehicle modes. Wheeljack went even faster until the Autobots disappeared from his rear-view mirror. He transformed and sat next to a boulder, getting his breath back.

'OK…they're gone…now I gotta figure out how to get out of this mess!'

As he pondered he suddenly heard jets. Looking up he saw the Decepticon Seekers, Starscream, Thundercracker and Sky Warp flying above him. Wheeljack jumped back and aimed his blaster at them.

'Not now you Decepti-creeps!' he cried.

To his surprised the Seekers transformed and landed in front of him. Wheeljack was a little confused until Starscream said,

'OK, so we're agreed! I go first, then Thundercracker, then Sky Warp!'

'But I wanna go first!' wailed Sky Warp.

'I love him more then any of you guys! I should go first!'

As the Seekers argued, Wheeljack ran off. The whole pulse thing even affected the Decepticons! And to be quite frank, he didn't really want to know what the Seekers were planning to do to him….but I'm pretty sure the readers do I'll start off with-

Wheeljack: NO WAY! FORGET IT!

AutobotV: Jeez Wheeljack they just wanna **BEEP** you!

Wheeljack: **BEEP**? What does that mean?

AutobotV: It comes out like that because this is a teen rated fic! So when I say something like **BEEP** it comes out like **BEEP**! Get it!

Wheeljack continued running until the seekers noticed he had gone. They took to the air and flew after him.

'Come back sweetheart!' yelled Sky Warp. Thankfully Wheeljack had run into the woods where he lost them. After catching his breath he then heard some bushes rustle. Looking up he saw Soundwave's entire cassette team, Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Rumble and Frenzy charging at him. Wheeljack raised his blaster.

'Alright you little punks! You wanna piece of me?'

However they didn't attack him. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw landed either side of him on his shoulders and began to nuzzle his face. Ravage began purring and rubbed himself against his legs. Looking down Rumble had a cheesy grin and Frenzy shaped his hands into guns and said,

'Hey Wheeljack baby, how ya doin?'

Wheeljack screamed causing the cassette team to jump, giving him the chance to run for it.

'This is sooo not happening!' he wailed.

Then he tripped over a root sticking out of the ground. Hitting the floor, he moaned in pain. This defiantly wasn't his day. Then he felt someone pick him up and holding him so his arms were under Wheeljack's knees and the other on his back. Looking at the person who picked him up and was holding him like a baby, he was shocked to see Soundwave.

'Soundwave? What are you doing? Aren't you a Decepticon?'

'DECEPTICONS, INFIEROR. OUR LOVE, SUPIEROR!' uttered the Communication Officer.

Wheeljack wailed again until Soundwave was attacked by, none other then, Megatron!

'Soundwave how dare you!' he snarled.

'BUT MEGATRON, I LOVE HIM!'

'He's mine you dolt!'

'NEVER!'

Megatron began firing his fusion cannon at Soundwave who fought back. Wheeljack tried to sneak away but was grabbed round the waist by Megatron. Megatron began laughing like the evil machine he was after knocking Soundwave out.

'Now that I have Wheeljack, I can rule the universe!'

'HOW CAN YOU RULE THE UNIVERSE WITH ME?'

'With love anything is possible!'

'I so did not hear that.'

Meanwhile at Autobot base the Autobots saw the whole thing on the screen of Teletraan-1.

'Autobots, Megatron has captured my love and we must work together to get him back!' informed Optimus Prime.

'You mean, MY LOVE!' growled Prowl.

'Whatever…OK to make this fair, who ever rescues Wheeljack first can **BEEP** him first!'

The Autobots looked at each other.

'FINE!' they all said.

'Good! Autobots, transform and…'

The Autobots waited for the signal. They waited for two minutes. Then ten minutes.

'Prime, ain't ya gonna say "roll out" or something?' asked Jazz.

Looking up they saw Prime had already gone.

'HE CHEATED!' screamed Ratchet transforming and speeding off after him.

Soon all the Autobots were racing each other to rescue their beloved Wheeljack.

Wheeljack wasn't having a good time himself as he tried to avoid making contact with Megatron's face.

'NO WAY! NO SLAGGING WAY AM I GONNA DO THIS!' he yelled.

'Come now Wheeljack, we were meant to be!' chuckled Megatron.

'SOMEBODY GET ME AWAY FROM THIS CREEP!'

Suddenly Optimus Prime appeared and pointed his blaster at Megatron. Megatron snarled and Wheeljack felt relieved until Optimus Prime said,

'One shall stand, one shall fall…and one of us is gonna **BEEP** Wheeljack later, which will be me!'

Wheeljack's jaw dropped as Megatron snickered.

'Forget it Prime! Wheeljack's mine!'

As the leaders argues they were unaware that they were being watched by the Constructicons. Scrapper turned to face his men.

'OK guys! If we all form together we all get Wheeljack at the same time!'

'Seems fair but I still love him more!' muttered Long Haul.

As our poor hero in distress cried in misery, he was suddenly snatched by the giant Devastator. Holding Wheeljack within his grip he began marching his way to the city, with Wheeljack screaming.

'MY BELOVED!' cried Optimus transforming and driving after them.

'MY SOULMATE!' screamed Megatron flying after them.

Wheeljack looked up at Devastator who grinned.

'DEVESTATOR WANT WHEELJACK!' he bellowed.

Wheeljack wailed again and looked down to see his was within the city. Soon Devastator climbed to the top of the highest Skyscraper and roared with his accomplishment.

'Can someone please save me!' cried Wheeljack.

Suddenly both Optimus and Megatron appeared on buildings either side of the one Devastator was on. Preferred to being saved by his leader Wheeljack screamed,

'Optimus, save me!'

'Don't worry Wheeljack! When I save you we're gonna **BEEEEEEEP** and then **BEEEEEP** and a lot of **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** and **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** and then finish it all off with a good **BEEEEEEEP** so hang tight!'

Wheeljack paused and looked at Prime with utter disgust. There was an awkard silence, then he looked at Megatron.

'MEGATRON, SAVE ME!'

'When I save you Wheeljack we will **BEEEEEEEEEEEP** and then **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** with a lot of **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** and **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** and finally **BEEEEEEEEEEEP** so have no fear!'

Wheeljack looked at both leaders. Then screamed at the top of his vocal proscessors,

'WOULD SOMEBODY BESIDES THESE TWO SAVE ME!'

Then out of no where a flying Firebird appeared and transformed in mid air to revel Tracks who snatched Wheeljack out of Devastators hand. Landing on the next building Tracks put Wheeljack down.

'Phew, thanks Tracks.'

Suddenly Tracks grabbed Wheeljack's waist and brought his face closer to Wheeljack's.

'Does the hero get a kiss?' he asked.

Wheeljack couldn't take it anymore and slapped Tracks round the face. Tracks stood up and held the spot on his face where Wheeljack hit him.

'I'll never wash this face again!' he said in daze.

Wheeljack bolted down the stairs of the building and ran into Blaster.

'BLASTER! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!'

Suddenly Blaster began playing slow jazz and deepened his voice.

'Welcome to radio station I LOVE WHEELJACK, where we're gonna play some funky lovin tunes for our sexy machine…oh yeah.'

Wheeljack cried out and ran passed him. Running onto the streets he saw nearly of the Autobots and Decepticons and they saw him.

'There he is! And remember what Prime said! First one to save him gets to **BEEP** him first!' cried Sideswipe.

* * *

While the Decepticons and Autobots fought within the city a news crew suddenly appeared to record the fight for their news station.

'Just in! The Autobots and Decepticons are fighting each other within the city! More from the scene with Diana Flake! Diana?'

'Yes Tom the Autobots and Decepticons are indeed fighting each other in the city but for what reason? Are the Decepticons after another power source or planning to wipe out mankind?'

Suddenly Wheeljack ran past them screaming,

'SOMEONE HELP ME!'

Then following right behind him were the entire Autobot and Decepticon forces.

'COME BACK WHEELJACK! I LOVE YOU!' screamed an Autobot.

'I LOVE HIM MORE!' cried a Decepticon.

Diana returned to the camera.

'Tom it turns out the Autobots and Decepticons are fighting over a single Autobot but for what reason?'

* * *

Wheeljack cried out when he found that the Insecticons had picked him up and were trying to fly away with him.

'I love to have a bite of Wheeljack!' said Bombshell.

'I want to be his bedbug, bug!' said Shrapnel.

'I wanna **BEEP** him!' said Kickback.

'LEAVE ME ALONE!' cried Wheeljack and then felt someone grab his leg. Looking down he saw Bliztwing and Astrotrain hanging onto him.

'Give him up Insecticons! He's mine!' cried Bliztwing.

'I thought we agreed he's mine!' shouted Astrotrain.

The Insecticons began to fall and then they attacked the triple changers giving Wheeljack another chance to escape. However Wheeljack was about to get into more trouble when Omega Supreme, The Combaticons, The Stunticons, The Areialbots and The Protecticons showed up with one thing in mind. To **BEEP** Wheeljack!

_Sorry but you have to wait til next time to find out what happens!!_


	2. Part 2

**Everyone Loves Wheeljack Part 2**

Okay I'm going to sum up what has happened so far but I'm gonna keep it short. Basically Wheeljack didn't feel like he was attractive enough and invents his piece of crap,

'It's called FIL!'

WHAT. EVER. He planned to make all the female machines fall in love with him only to end up making all the male Autobots and Decepticons wanting to** BEEP** him. Our last scene with Wheeljack was him being chased down the street of a city with Omega Supreme right on his tail. Unfortunately Wheeljack forgot that Omega Supreme was bigger than him and was easily gaining ground on our poor mech. Wheeljack was almost crying when he found himself in the giant's shadow.

'Oh dear Primus NO!' he cried when he was suddenly grabbed by one of the biggest Autobots ever.

'Mission: Success. New Mission: **BEEP** Wheeljack.' Boomed the giant.

At this moment Wheeljack fainted at the very thought of Omega Supreme **BEEP**ing him. Omega Supreme made his way out of the city but was attack by Superion.

'Not so fast Omega! Wheeljack's mine!'

'Correction: Mine!'

'No he's mine!' screamed Bruticus jumping on top of Omega causing him to drop Wheeljack.

Thankfully he landed on a tree top, I'm not that cruel. As the giant bots fought, Defensor picked up Wheeljack and snuck off but was spotted by Menasor.

'Give me my little baby-on-wheels back!'

'No way buddy! He's my little sex machine!'

At that moment Wheeljack woke up and panicked when he saw that he was right in the middle of a brawl between all of the large Autobots and Decepticons! Even Devestator was running to join in! Wheeljack wailed in a fit.

'OH PRIMUS THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!'

Then would you believe he fell when Defensor let go of him after being punched by Menasor. Thankfully he landed on a soft bush. As he scrambled to get out he saw the rest of the Autobots and Decepticons coming after him. Not surprisingly they began fighting each other as they got near him.

'Wheeljack's mine!'

'No he's mine!'

As our poor hero pondered what to do he-

Wheeljack: OK that's it, STOP!

AutobotV: What?

Wheeljack: Could you please get me out of this mess just for a second? I really need a breather here!

AutobotV: I just can't magically transport you to another part of the world y'know!

Wheeljack: YOU'RE THE WRITER, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

AutobotV: True….OK, but only if you do this one scene!

Wheeljack: Fine just get me out of here!

Then all of a sudden, Wheeljack's front armour falls off revealing his circuits and insides! In human terms he's half naked!

'WHAT!'

The Autobots and Decepticons stopped what they were doing and looked at him jaws dropped. Then Energon started spewing from their pheromone sensors (for humans that's a nosebleed). Wheeljack suddenly felt rather uncomfortable, especially when Cliffjumper jumped through the air towards him.

'Come to Papa!' he yelled.

However Starscream whacked him out of the sky.

'Sorry Papa, but he's mine!' snarled the Seeker.

'Oh yeah wel- LOOK OUT ITS OPTIMUS!'

'I'm not gonna fall for that one again!'

'No I mean it!'

Starscream looked round and suddenly felt the tremendous force of Optimus Prime's fist. Starscream fell to ground out cold and the fight continued. As the fighting between both forces continued again Wheeljack put his front armour back on and ran off.

'YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PERVERTS!' he wailed running off.

'Wait Wheeljack! I can change!' screamed Gears, trying to keep up with him.

And, as I promised, Wheeljack somehow ended up 2000 miles away from the Autobots on a nice secluded beach! Wheeljack fell to the floor exhausted and was a little relied to finally escape the lusts of the Autobots and Decepticons.

'Right, now I can figure out how to stop this!'

AutobotV: You could ask me!

Wheeljack: After what you did to me! Besides I bet you don't even know!

AutobotV: True…but I am researching it right now. Oh by the way Beachcombers behind you!

Wheeljack: WHAT!

Wheeljack turned to see a Dune Buggy racing towards him.

'Hey Wheeljack! How about we have a groovy little beach party with just the two of us!'

Wheeljack looked round for an escape route and then an idea popped into his head. He transformed and drove into the water, using his water skis he modified for himself.

'Hah! Catch me if you can!'

AutobotV: Wheeljack…you do realize that Seaspray is out there!

Wheeljack: SLAG IT!

Just at that moment Seaspray indeed appeared and Wheeljack went even faster. The last thing he wanted was some reject to tell him that he was hot or whatever. Then Wheeljack somehow crossed the sea and found his way back to land. Crawling back onto the shore he flopped down. All the Autobots and Decepticons wanted to **BEEP** him and Wheeljack so did not want to experience that. He stood up and began to think.

'I know! If I go back to Autobot base I can build another FIL but use it to make the Autobots like me as a friend and the Decepticons hate me again!'

Of course he had to return to base to make it and that wasn't going to be easy. As he began the trek something else happened. A bright ball of light appeared in front of him and then faded to reveal five Autobots he didn't recognize.

'Who the slag are you guys?' asked Wheeljack.

'I am Rodimus Prime and I have travelled into the past to find the one called Wheeljack, you know him?'

Wheeljack suddenly got a very bad feeling about this.

'Rodimus, you promised that you would help me find Wheeljack!'

'Put an exhaust in it Ultra Magnus, when I find him I'm gonna **BEEP** him!'

'But you promised Blurr and me that we could!'

'Kup, you're old and I doubt that Wheeljack would like you!'

'Wheelie say, I want Wheeljack today!'

'Aren't a little young kid?'

As the bots from the future argued Wheeljack snuck away…but to make this interesting I just made Rodimus realize what Wheeljack looked like! Rodimus suddenly snapped his head over to where Wheeljack was sneaking off too.

'Wait Wheeljack! I wanna make **BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP** with you!'

'NO WAY!' screamed the poor mech transforming and running off.

Now the Autobots of the future wanted him! How could it get any worse? As he ran he fell over when something really fast past him. Looking up the speeding thing stopped in front of and grabbed him.

'Heyhottieyouwannadateyouwannadatehuhhuh! YouandIcanhavealotoffunwith**BEEP**andstuff, Iknowagoodspotarealgoodspotjustyouandmeand…'

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!'

Wheeljack had to scream as he couldn't understand a word this thing was saying and that he wanted to **BEEP** with him too! It was all driving insane and it got worse when someone grabbed his arm. Looking down he saw a smaller Autobot, who looked like a kid.

'With a little luck, you and I can **BEEP**!'

'OH DEAR PRIMUS…aren't you a little young?' queried Wheeljack.

Wheeljack was now in a tug of war between this fast idiot and this under-aged twerp and he felt like he was going to get ripped apart.

'Letgoletgohe'smineItellyouminesoletgo!'

'You're all muck, so go get **BEEP**ed!'

Wheeljack wailed and then he heard another problem behind him.

'Get lost Ultra Magnus! He's mine!'

'I'm older than you and Prime was picked me to be the new leader! I'm the perfect mate for Wheeljack!'

'Tell you what, I'll give you the Matrix and I can have Wheeljack!'

'No deal!'

Looking round he saw the Rodimus Prime chap and the Ultra Magnus dude battle it out as they made their way over to them. Wheeljack panicked and tried to free himself but the two crazy bots had a firm grip on him.

'SOMEONE! ANYONE! I'M DESPRETE NOW!' screamed Wheeljack.

At that moment a red Semi Truck bashed into the three bots sending them and Wheeljack into the air. Wheeljack wailed as he went sky-high while below the truck transformed and Optimus Prime held out his arms. A few seconds later Wheeljack landed in his arms. Wheeljack was now a bit dizzy but Optimus gave him a little hug.

'My beloved, I've finally found you!'

'HEY YOU! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY MACHINE!' cried Rodimus Prime.

'Says who?' demanded Optimus Prime.

'I, the leader of the Autobots, Rodimus Prime that's who!'

There was a silence for a while. A rather long silence.

'SCREW YOU! I'M THE LEADER OF THE AUTOBOTS! IF I WAS ON MY DEATH BED I WOULD NEVER CHOOSE SOME PUNK LIKE YOU TO BE THE LEADER! I'd actually pick that guy next to you!'

Rodimus jumped back when Optimus pointed at Ultra Magnus.

'Oh yeah…I got the Matrix of Leadership!'

'So do I…wait a minute, how can there be two Matrixes'? Oh who cares, I got Wheeljack and there's nothing you can do about it!'

Wheeljack was now out of the daze and found himself trapped in Optimus Prime's arms. He looked back and forth and tried to figure out how he was going to get out of this when the rest of the Autobots showed up.

'Prime you let go of my Wheeljack!' cried Jazz.

'I don't have Wheeljack!' said Rodimus.

'Not you the other Prime!' muttered Kup.

'I'm never giving him up!' cried Optimus.

'You suck Prime!' screamed Ratchet.

'You'll regret that Ratchet!' bellowed Optimus.

'Not you the other Prime!'

'Who me?' asked Rodimus.

'Hand him over you loser!' shouted Ironhide.

'I'm not a loser!' screamed Rodimus.

'They were talking about the other Prime you idiot!' sighed Ultra Magnus.

'That Prime?'

'Which Prime?

'That one I think?'

'The tall one?'

'No that one!'

'Who's talking anyway?'

The whole conversation was confusing Wheeljack. It was actually really beginning to tick him off. Finally he screamed.

'THAT'S IT STOP IT!'

The Autobots stopped and looked at Wheeljack.

'Listen here you lot! I'm not a thing, I have feelings too!'

As he spoke Prime, not Rodimus, began removing his face guard.

'You should all be ashamed of yourself's! I mean I wasn't really thinking when I built that stupid FIL but…'

Before Wheeljack could finish, Optimus Prime suddenly planted a big (French style) kiss on Wheeljack's lips! Yeah that was the bit you were all waiting for! Wheeljack's face went red, and I mean redder than Prime's paint job! The other Autobots gaped in shock as Wheeljack's kiss that they were all fighting for was stolen! Optimus parted from the kiss and stood in his victory pose.

'HAH! I kissed Wheeljack before you lot did! Now I'm gonna **BEEP **him!'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Wheeljack kicked Prime in the face and ran off.

'That was my first kiss you jerk!' screamed the poor mech.

The Autobots looked at each other.

'If that was Wheeljack's first kiss…does that mean…he's a virgin?' asked Ironhide.

There was yet another silence.

'WHEELJACK WAIT FOR ME!'

'COME BACK MY BELOVED! I'LL BE GENTLE!'

'I'LL DEFLOWER YOU WITH CARE SWEETHEART!'

'Oh Primus please tell me they not after what I think they're after!' wailed Wheeljack zooming off.

AutobotV: Wheeljack, they've been after that throughout the whole story!

Wheeljack: OH SHUT UP!

The poor, freaked out, really scared, going mad and ill-fated Wheeljack somehow made it back to base and he ran into his workshop. He locked the door to his workshop with every little thing possible. Until he was sure no one could get in he began working on his Anti-FIL. As he walked round he found his answering machine.

'Why do I even have one of these?' he muttered pushing the play-back button.

The machine rewinded until he heard the voice.

'You have 25.71 Billion New Messages. First Message, sent today from Optimus Prime.'

'Wheeljack listen! We don't have to do all those things I said! We could just have some Hardcore **BEEEEEP**!'

'Next Message, sent today from Megatron.'

'Wheeljack listen to me! If you surrender to me I'll make it less painful! I'm planning on using lots of ropes!'

'Next Message, sent from Jazz.'

'Hey baby, if you get this message then let me tell you how I'm gonna lay it down when I find you First I gonna grab your…'

'Message deleted. Next Message, sent from Elita-1'

'WHEELJACK YOU-SON-OF-A-BITCH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU REAL SLOW AND THEN RIP OUT YOUR…'

'Message deleted. Next Message, sent today from Optimus Prime.'

'I really mean it! Not that lame hardcore you hear in the news but major hardcore style! I'm gonna **BEEP** you so bad you won't be able to walk for a month!'

'Message deleted. Next message, sent today from Megatron.

'You'll be screaming for mercy and then I'll make you beg for more and then…'

As Optimus Prime walked round the base from the outside, trying to figure out where his Wheeljack went, he saw an answering machine getting flung out the window.

Back inside Wheeljack began to work franticly on his Anti-FIL, he couldn't take it anymore. Suddenly he heard someone banging on the door.

'Wheeljack? Are you in there sweetie?'

Wheeljack recognized it as Optimus Prime and began to work even faster. He worked and worked until he finished…his…jeez Wheeljack this one is crapper than the last one!

Wheeljack: Who cares, as long as it stops them!

AutobotV: You know I do believe I found a solution…

Wheeljack: Forget it!

Wheeljack activated the machine and it began to hum and jump about. Suddenly it let loose the pulse and blew up Wheeljack's workshop up again! After pulling himself up Wheeljack looked around. The pulse had defiantly gone off but to be sure he walked up to the blocked door.

'Optimus? Optimus are you there?'

Suddenly Wheeljack was blown away when the door exploded. Getting back up he saw that Prime was standing there with his gun with the look of lust in his optics!

'WHEELJACK, I WANT YOU RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! COME HERE YOU HOT-PIECE-OF-ASS!'

'WHAAAAT!' screamed Wheeljack.

As Optimus ran up to him, Wheeljack jumped out the window, screaming as he hit the floor.

'What went wrong?' he asked himself.

AutobotV: Simple, you didn't deactivate the program that made them fall in love with you, you just made the whole thing worse!

Wheeljack: HOW WORSE?

AutobotV: Well Optimus wants to **BEEP** you hardcore style, Megatron is suddenly into bondage, Elita-1 wants to kill you and the rest of the Autobots and Decepticons are now really lusting for you…big time.

Wheeljack: OH…DEAR…PRIMUS! D-didn't you say you found a solution?

AutobotV: Well I did but you're not going to like it!

Wheeljack: WHAT? What is it?

Okay people welcome to our solution corner where the only way to save Wheeljack and stop the Autobots and Decepticons is one simple task.

'WHAT IS IT ALREADY!?'

Simple Wheeljack! All you have to is…………let one of the Transformers **BEEP** you.

'WHAT!'

And this is where it get's interesting because there's only three Transformers in the whole Transformers universe who can do it!

'Please tell me it's not who I think it is…'

The first one is Optimus Prime!

'Sweet! I can **BEEP** Wheeljack hardcore style right?'

'Oh no…'

The other is Megatron!

'I'm gonna tie that little bitch down and…'

'M-maybe I better work on…OK, who's the final guy?'

You do not want to know.

'Just get it over with.'

Fine………………………………………………………..Unicron.

'Oh well that isn't too…..WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!'

'I'm feeling real Horney right now too.'

And this is where you readers get to decide who has to** BEEP** Wheeljack so he no longer deal anymore!

'How……can…..I mean……how……he's big……and I'm……so……Oh Primus……how…what…huge.'

So you vote who has to BEEP Wheeljack and next time Wheeljack will get **BEEP**ed!

'How…oh…Primus…He…I…what….too….huge…I…Slag'

Wheeljack's problems are far from over!


	3. A Note

Hey there everyone! I didn't realize I was going to get so many people voting so quickly! Plus now I feel bad that everyone wants a different version so I did something that would make everyone happy...I think! Thanks for voting anyway….and forgive me…..


	4. Part 3

Everyone Loves Wheeljack Part 3

If you read the last two chapters I'm pretty sure you've got a good idea what's been going on. Wheeljack invents crappy machine called FIL, makes the Autobots and Decepticons fall in love with him, built another one to try and stop it only to make it worse and now the readers, you guys, now have to decide who can **BEEP** Wheeljack so the whole thing would stop!

Wheeljack: Err…any idea who's in the lead?

AutobotV: Well a lot of people wanted Optimus but so far Unicron is in the lead!

Wheeljack: WHAAAT!

Anyway until the votes are in Wheeljack just has to suffer a little longer. Getting as far away from Autobot base as he possibly can, Wheeljack ended up in the middle of no where. Now truly in a panic he tried to hide or better yet he tried to build a bomb shelter!

'As long as this keeps them all out I don't really give a **BEEP**!'

'Would you like us to help Wheeljack?'

Wheeljack looked round till he saw Hoist and Grapple, standing behind him. Wheeljack stepped back a bit worried but the Autobots chuckled.

'Don't worry Wheeljack; we don't have any feelings for you! We do see that you have a rather…unusual problem, so we can help you build a super-reinforced bomb shelter so no one can get in or out!'

'Really?'

'Of course! What are friends for?'

Wheeljack felt relieved as the two builders began working ultra fast on the bomb shelter. It was about time he ran into an Autobot who didn't want to **BEEP** him. Within moments the shelter was completed and Hoist and Grapple stood rather proud with what they did.

'What do you think Wheeljack?'

'Er…it's big…why is it pink?'

'Well I don't think the rest of the Autobots would even think you're hiding in a pink building!'

'Why is there a bed in here?'

'So you can rest!'

'Why is covered in rose petals?'

'So it would look nice!'

'Why are the lights so low? And why are there animal skins on the floor? What's with the music?'

'Err, Wheeljack we thought you might need a relaxing mood!'

Wheeljack looked at the builders, then back inside. Then he looked at the builders again.

'What are you two planning?' he asked.

'Well Wheeljack you caught us, we just wanted to…GRAB HIM!'

Wheeljack was suddenly grabbed by the two bots and was being dragged inside. However Wheeljack was trapped in the doorway as he held onto the door frame for dear life.

'Let go Wheeljack! Don't worry, we're pros at this!' cried Hoist.

'NO WAY! YOU'RE SICK, SICK, SICK I TELL YOU!'

'C'mon Wheeljack baby!' cried Grapple.

As Hoist and Grapple pulled at his feet Wheeljack held onto the doorframes with his arms. How is he gonna get out of this one? That's when Inferno and Red Alert showed up.

'Hey Red look! It's Wheeljack…and he's still untouched!'

'Oh man…alert, alert…he's gonna lose it what are we gonna do? We have to stop them but I don't know how and if we don't stop them they're gonna **BEEP** Wheeljack and I wanted to **BEEP** Wheeljack, but you also wanted to **BEEP** Wheeljack but you're also my best friend but when I see Wheeljack I want to **BEEP** him real bad and I don't give a slag about you but you're my friend and I…'

Inferno slapped Red Alert round the head to shut him up.

'Dude! Seriously! Get that checked out!' snapped Inferno.

Then the two Autobots ran up to Wheeljack and grabbed his arms. Soon Wheeljack was now in a new tug-of-war with Hoist, Grapple, Inferno and Red Alert. Now how is he gonna get out of this one?

Wheeljack: I DON'T KNOW! DO SOMETHING!

AutobotV: OK, OK…let's see…oh I know he hasn't made an appearance yet!'

Suddenly Wheeljack heard the sound of missiles heading in his direction. Then the pink building blew up sending all the Autobots flying.

'WHY!' wailed Wheeljack as he hit the ground.

Looking up he saw Warpath heading right for him.

'Like, WHAM, BAM, I'm gonna **BEEP** Wheeljack tonight!' howled the tank.

Wheeljack got up and ran. Warpath followed in tank mode screaming all the way.

'I like, WHAM KAPLOW, wanna **BEEP** Wheeljack!'

Wheeljack kept running until he realised he wasn't running on the ground anymore! Looking down he somehow ended up 50ft off the ground. Looking up he was within the grip of Powerglide!

'And Powerglide scores! Next stop…destination **BEEP **Wheeljack!'

'Let me go you flying cone head!'

'I'm not a cone head! But he is!'

Wheeljack looked in front to see Thrust flying right out to him.

'Like the name suggests I gonna…'

'DON'T EVEN SAY IT YOU SICKO!' screamed Wheeljack.

However being the dumb Decepticon that he is, Thrust slams straight into Powerglide forcing the plane to drop Wheeljack. Wheeljack screamed as he approached the floor thinking this was it! Until he hit something before he the floor that is! Wheeljack suddenly sat up in mid-air. Looking round he found himself in a mini force-field.

'Hah! Caught you Wheeljack!'

Wheeljack looked down and saw Trailbreaker with a cocky grin. He had caught Wheeljack in his force-field and now there's no way Wheeljack can escape!

'Let go of me! C'mon Trailbreaker, let me go!'

'Now way Wheeljack! You're mine now!'

Then Wheeljack got hit from behind causing him to deactivate the force-field. Wheeljack hit the ground and quickly sat up to see Ironhide pounding Trailbreaker.

'Screw you Turd-breaker! He's mine!'

Wheeljack quickly ran off trying to think where he could hide. I suggest he hide in…

Wheeljack: No I got a better idea!

AutobotV: What?

Wheeljack: Cybertron! I'm gonna go hide on Cybertron!

AutobotV: Whoa wait a minute Wheeljack, you can't go there!

Wheeljack: I'M NOT LISTENING!

As Wheeljack headed for the space bridge he wailed in horror when he saw that Megatron was after him. The scary thing was that he was holding a whip and giant handcuffs!

'Come back here slave!' he yelled.

Wheeljack ran into the space bridge and left Earth, landing on the planet Cybertron, the home world of the transformer race. Wheeljack flopped on the floor thinking he was safe.

'Thank Primus…now I can have a quick rest before…'

Wheeljack then realized Shockwave was standing above him. Shockwave looked at him for a while and then held up a bottle of Energon Wine.

'Fancy dinner?' asked the one-optic Decepticon.

Back on Earth, Optimus had followed Wheeljack to the space bridge where he saw Megatron trying to activate it.

'Megatron, where's my Wheeljack…and what the slag is with the whip and cuffs?'

'Go away Prime! I'm trying to follow my pet into…'

Before Megatron could finish what he was saying both bots heard a scream. Looking up to the skies, they both believed that they heard Wheeljack screaming from a distant planet.

'My beloved is calling out for me!' cried Prime running into the space bridge.

'Oh no you don't!' screamed Megatron, following.

Back on Cybertron, Wheeljack was strapped to a chair, sitting at a table with Shockwave at the other side pouring wine. Red and white checker table cloth, candle light, you name it, Shockwave had made the control room into a romantic setup. Wheeljack finally decided to use logic against Shockwave, since he wasn't an idiot like most Decepticons I could name, but not Soundwave.

'Look Shockwave, no offense but you don't really appeal to me! I mean you don't even have a face!'

'I don't need a face to express my love to you!'

'What about Megatron, he'll kill you if he finds out!'

'Let him! I'd rather die by your side then let him take you!'

'Oh for the love of Primus, I don't like you! Full stop!'

'I wrote a poem for you!'

'Oh slag.'

'Oh Wheeljack, where art thy Wheeljack, his face is hidden but full…'

'STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF PRIMUS STOP!'

Suddenly Optimus Prime and Megatron burst through the door.

'Shockwave you light-bulb head! Get away from Wheeljack!'

'Forget it Megatron! I more romantic then you'll ever be! And what the heck is with the whip and cuffs?'

As The Decepticons fought each other Optimus picked up the chair Wheeljack was tied to and ran off into the streets of Cybertron.

'Sweet, now back to my place for some hardcore **BEEP**!'

'AHHH! SOMEONE HELP!'

AutobotV: I warned you didn't I?

Wheeljack: DO SOMETHING!'

AutobotV: Alright, already!

Suddenly someone pounced on Optimus causing him to drop Wheeljack, still tied to the chair. Wheeljack sighed, he had a feeling it was another Autobot wanting to tell him that he love him. But it wasn't. Wheeljack looked up to see Elita-1 standing over him with a blaster pointed at him. Now Wheeljack was scared.

'Elita, wait! It's not what you think!'

'YOU ASSHOLE! PRIME CALLED ME UP THIS MORNING AND DUMPED ME BECAUSE HE FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU! I'M GONNA KILL YOU SO BAD NOT EVEN THE WRITER CAN SAVE YOU!'

'AHHHH! WAIT!'

However Prime, got knocked over, not knocked out and he pushed Elita-1 off the road. Hah, I did save him Elita-1, in your face!

'PRIME!!! WHY!?' she screamed.

'Sorry Elita! He just has more sex appeal than you do!'

AutobotV: Ummm…Optimus Prime and Elita-1 fans…real sorry.

Wheeljack: What about me?

AutobotV: Oh right, hang on!

As Elita-1 tried to win back her love Wheeljack began hopping away, since he was still strapped to a chair. Then he saw one of the wisest of Autobots, Alpha Trion!

'Alpha you gotta help me!' wailed Wheeljack.

However Alpha Trion was an old dirty guy (I mean c'mon, he lives by himself chatting up female Autobots!) and began chuckling as Wheeljack approached.

'Ahh, yes Wheeljack. If I untie you, you wanna have an Energon bath with me?'

Wheeljack may have been tied up but he managed to kick the old fool of the tower they were on.

'You are SICK! SICK I TELL YOU!'

Wheeljack decided that Cybertron was not the best place to hide and hopped back to the space bridge entrance where he saw something that I'm not sure I should write but I'll do it anyway. Shockwave was on the ground and Megatron was standing on him with one foot whipping him!

'Say it! Say it you bitch!'

'NEVER! I LOVE WHEELJACK MORE THAN YOU!'

AutobotV: Yes Wheeljack, that's what's gonna happen to you if Megatron wins!

Wheeljack: HAVE MERCY!

Wheeljack hopped in the bridge and returned to Earth. Looking round to make sure the coast was clear he hopped off to hide in the woods.

'Now if I can just get out of these ropes!'

'I CAN HELP WITH THAT!'

Wheeljack jumped when Soundwave suddenly appeared. However he was a little surprised when Soundwave did indeed untie him.

'I thought you were in love with me?'

'BONDAGE ISN'T MY THING.'

'Oh.'

There was an awkward silence.

'Okaaay…now what.'

'WELL THIS THE PART WHERE YOU RUN AWAY, I CHASE AFTER YOU SCREAMING HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND THEN YOU GET YOURSELF INTO MORE TROUBLE!'

'Oh yeah. I get a head start right?'

'TEN SECONDS.'

'Thanks!'

Wheeljack bolted and ran and ten seconds later Soundwave was right behind him!

'COME BACK WHEELJACK! I LOVE YOU!'

'Go away!'

Wheeljack ran out into the open where it suddenly got dark, which was strange because it was midday. Wheeljack looked up and his jaw almost dropped off! Right above him in the sky was a giant, planet like thing, with horns and jaws!

'NOW WHAT!'

AutobotV: Wheeljack that is Unicron, he finally made it!

Wheeljack: Y-you mean…

AutobotV: Yes the votes are finally in!

Wheeljack: OH PRIMUS!

Okay people this is what you were waiting for! Is it gonna be Optimus Prime, Megatron or that big guy in the sky Unicron?

'Oh…dear…primus…I'm screwed…literally…screwed!'

The Votes are in and the winner is……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ooh boy.

Man this sucks. Sorry but I never realized so many people were going to vote!

'What do you mean?'

'Well some want Prime, others want Megatron and I don't know who but for some reason some people really did pick Unicron!

'Oh dear Primus…what does that mean?'

Well…since I'm such a sweet heart, I decided to do them all!

'WHAT!'

**The Optimus Prime Version**

Okay Wheeljack its Prime!

'Oh dear Primus…what a minute, he's on Cybertron!'

I can fix that! As Wheeljack stood there dumbfounded he was about to get **BEEP**ed by his leader, Optimus Prime suddenly appeared, grabbed and threw him over his shoulder.

'ALRIGHT! HARDCORE STYLE!'

'AHH! PRIME PUT ME DOWN!'

As Optimus Prime ran back to base, Wheeljack saw that the entire Autobot troops were chasing him! Sorry guys but I'm letting Prime getting away from this! Optimus ran back into Autobot HQ and straight into his room! Now we're getting somewhere!

Throwing Wheeljack on the floor he began locking the door with all the locks and codes imaginable! As he was locking the door Wheeljack was desperately trying to escape…oh boy…hang a sec guys!

AutobotV: Wheeljack! I thought I told you the only way to stop this was to let Prime **BEEP** you!

Wheeljack: BUT I DON'T WANNA!

AutobotV: It's either him or the other Autobots…and Decepticons…and Omega Supreme…and-

Wheeljack: OKAY I GET IT! It's just…I'm nervous.

AutobotV: Aw you're so cute!! OK fine I'll tell Prime to go easy on you!

Wheeljack: That really isn't helpful.

AutobotV: You want him to go hardcore?

Wheeljack: Fine then!

Then at long last Prime had finished sealing the door and turned to face Wheeljack.

'We're finally alone!'

'Oh Primus, I'm gonna die!'

Prime then began to advance and Wheeljack backed up against the wall.

'Can't we just snuggle?'

'No way Wheeljack! We're gonna **BEEP** right now!'

'B-b-b-b-but….there's no bed so you can't! HAH!'

Then use Optimus Prime's recharge berth, that's kinda like a bed, it's got pillows and a blankie and a nice comfortable…

'STOP HELPING!'

Optimus then began dragging Wheeljack towards the recharge berth.

'PRIME PLEASE! I'M NOT READY!'

Prime slammed Wheeljack on the recharge berth and stood over him.

'Aw c'mon Wheeljack, relax!'

'B-b-b-b-b-but I-I-I-I………I'M SCARED!'

'Don't worry Wheeljack…soon you won't be!'

Outside the rest of the Autobots were trying to get in.

'C'mon Prowl! Prime is deflowering my love machine!' cried Jazz.

'I can't the doors welded shut!'

'Then get a missile, a bomb, a nuke, ANYTHING!'

Then they heard Wheeljack scream from inside.

'YOUR HANDS ARE COLD!'

'Of course they are, we're made of metal!'

'PROWL, HURRY UP!' screamed Ratchet.

Back inside, Wheeljack was desperately trying to keep Optimus from spreading his legs open!

'Prime wait!'

'For the love of…would you just relax!?'

Then Prime began ripping his armour off, along with Wheeljack's.

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' wailed Wheeljack, trying to cover himself up.

'Oh for the Matrix's sake would you calm down!'

Then Prime flipped him over till Wheeljack was on his front and then grabbed his behind, raising it up slightly. Alright now it is getting interesting!

'OH PRIMUS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

However due to the rating of this fic I cannot fully describe the scene so I'll have to give it to you bit by bit from the outside! Prowl was now preparing to blow the door open.

'Hurry it up you idiot!' wailed Hound, as he loaded the door with nearly every explosive the base had.

'I'm going as fast as I can!'

Then they heard more noises.

'PRIME! STOP! IT HUUUUURTS!'

'I haven't even started yet!'

The Autobots gaped in horror. Jazz then took command.

'Hound, Mirage, go get every single bomb you can find! Buy them if you have to!'

'Why do we have to get them?'

'Because you're fast!'

'You're faster!'

'I have privileges!'

'Oh I get it! You want to get rid of us so you can get Wheeljack! Not happening!'

'Would somebody just get the bombs!'

Then there were more noises.

'PRIME! PLEASE WAIT! I CAN'T…OH JUST STOP!'

'C'mon baby! Feeling good yet?'

'NO!'

The Autobots outside began panicking.

'DO SOMETHING!' wailed Bumblebee.

'LIKE WHAT?' snapped Jazz.

Suddenly the Autobots felt a chill down their backs. Turning round they saw Elita-1, carrying the largest blaster they had ever seen. Her face filled with rage. Bumblebee hid behind Ratchet and Jazz and Prowl backed up against the wall. She snarled and looked at them.

'WHERE…IS…WHEELJACK?'

'I-I-I dunno! Sorry Elita!' stammered Prowl.

'I'M GONNA KILL THAT BOT!' she howled.

Then they heard more noises.

'AHHHHH! STOOOOP! SOMEONE HELP!'

Elita-1 snapped her head towards the door that the Autobots were trying to blow up. She snarled and aimed her blaster at the door. The Autobots realized that she was gonna kill their beloved and screamed.

'DON'T DO IT ELITA!'

Too late. Elita fired and the force of the blast blew up the door along with the bombs that were already there! It was an explosion that made Wheeljack's look like a spark! After the Autobots pulled themselves up they ran into the open doorway and their jaws dropped. Wheeljack was lying down with his face buried in a pillow, crying into it and next to him Optimus Prime was sitting up with his arms behind his head, his leg over the other and he was smoking (don't ask me how he got one) with a grin of satisfaction.

'I told Megatron I'd **BEEP** him first!' snickered the leader of the Autobots.

Elita-1 saw the scene and ran off crying, the other Autobots just fainted.

AutobotV: So Wheeljack, how do you feel?

Wheeljack: I'm in great pain! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!?

AutobotV: Don't worry Wheeljack, tomorrow the Autobots will forget this ever happened!

Wheeljack: TOMORROW!?

Autobot: I didn't say it would happen instantly did I?

Then Optimus leaned over.

'You wanna go for round two?'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

As I promised the Autobots forgot about ever falling in love with Wheeljack, including the Decepticons, and the Autobots were wondering how Prime's door was blown off. Plus Optimus was wondering why Elita wasn't talking to him.

'Elita, this is Prime, please pick up!'

'Prime you must had sent over 30.12 billion messages already!' sighed Jazz, as he was trying to figure out why he "I LOVE WJ" painted on his back.

'Whose WJ?' asked Ironhide.

'I'll be dammed if I know!' shrugged Jazz.

Meanwhile Wheeljack was sitting with his face buried in his hands in Ratchet's med room.

'Wheeljack you look like someone shoved something up your exhaust pipe…what's wrong?'

'Just leave me alone.'

Okay NEXT VERSION!

**The Megatron Version**

'Wha- WHAT! I was just back at Autobot base a second ago after getting **BEEP**ed by Prime!'

Sorry Wheeljack but this is how it is. Now you're gonna get **BEEP**ed by Megatron. At that moment Wheeljack found himself falling over as someone threw a rope round his legs. Then he felt someone tie his hands behind his back and then being hoisted onto to someone else's shoulder!

'It's about time I found you my pet!' snickered Megatron, as he made his way back to base.

'AHHHHHH! ANYTHING BUT THIS!'

Soon poor Wheeljack found himself with his hands tied above his head hanging from the ceiling in the centre of a room with just him and Megatron. Wheeljack this doesn't look good for you right now! Wheeljack kicked his legs in a fit as Megatron circled him with a very hard looking cane!

'MEGATRON DON'T DO THIS!'

Suddenly Wheeljack felt Megatron hit him in the backside with the cane.

'YEEEEEOWCH! THAT HURT!'

'Silent pet! Soon you'll be begging for mercy!'

'I DON'T WANNA BEG FOR MERCY!'

You are begging for mercy Wheeljack! Anyway Megatron then grabbed some wires that were connected to a power box.

'OH PRIMUS! YOU'RE NOT GONNA…'

'Time to get jolted!'

Outside, Starscream was trying to get in to his room.

'Who's in there? Megatron, you better not be **BEEP**ing Wheeljack in there! Only I can **BEEP** Wheeljack in my room!'

'Why is he using your room anyway?' asked Skywarp.

'That's where Megatron got all his stuff from!' answered Thundercracker

'NO HE DIDN'T!'

'Where else did he get it from? It makes sense that it came from you!'

The they heard a scream from inside the room.

'AHHHHHHH! TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF!'

The Seekers gaped.

'He's got Wheeljack in there!' wailed Skywarp.

'Quick, break down the door!' cried Thundercracker.

'With what!' screamed Starscream.

Then Soundwave showed up.

'HEY GUYS. YOU SEEN WHEELJACK?' he asked.

'I got it! We'll use Soundwave as a battering ram!' suggested Starscream.

Back inside, Megatron finally turned off the power box and smoke was coming out of Wheeljack's circuits. Megatron then picked up the whip…ok for the record I don't do this crap but Megatron has been practicing, right Shockwave!

'The pain.'

Wheeljack freaked out when Megatron began to lash out the whip. Then he began lashing it out on poor Wheeljack.

'OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! STOP IT YOU SICKO!' screamed Wheeljack.

'THAT'S IT! SCREAM BITCH!' bellowed Megatron.

Outside Thundercracker, Skywarp and Soundwave were using Starscream as a battering ram to get into the room.

'WHY ARE YOU USING ME!?' he wailed.

'I don't know the writer wouldn't let us!' muttered Skywarp.

Back inside Wheeljack was freaking out when Megatron went behind him and he could no longer see him. Then he freaked out even more when he felt Megatron pulling his hips back!

'OH NO! NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

'Time for a treat!'

Back outside they had to replace Starscream with Thrust since Starscream had over a hundred dents on his head.

'You know your name sucks.' Snickered Skywarp.

As the banged Thrust's head on the door they heard a scream!

'AHH!'

They looked at each other and then banged it again.

'AHH!'

BANG

'AHH!'

BANG

'AHH!'

BANG,BANG,BANG,BANG

'AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH!'

The Decepticons looked at each other.

'Is this coincidence or something?'

'WHAT IS?' asked Soundwave.

'That every time we hit Thrust's head on the door we hear Wheeljack scream?'

There was a very long silence.

'NAAH.' Muttered Soundwave.

'OKAY THAT'S IT!' snarled Starscream aiming his blaster at the door.

'Wait a minute Starscream! We lost the warranty on this place ages ago and Megatron would kill us if we blow up another hole!'

'No I was just going to get my spare key!'

'Oh.'

Starscream pulled out his spare key and unlocked the door. They all ran in the sight made their jaws, minus Soundwave, drop. Wheeljack was hanging from the ceiling with foam pouring out his mouth and Megatron was sitting on the couch smoking.

'Oh yeah, I **BEEP**ed Wheeljack.'

'MEGATRON YOU JERK! Wailed Starscream running off.

Soundwave just fell back in shock and the other seekers just gaped in shock.

AutobotV: How was that Wheeljack?

Wheeljack: I'm…going…to…kill…you…!

AutobotV: Very funny.

Wheeljack: I'm…very…serious…!

Anyway the next day Wheeljack managed to return to Autobot base and the Decepticons were in a sate of confusion.

'How the slag did I get these handcuffs? And how did I get this whip?' pondered Megatron.

'Hey the heck did Megatron get my stuff?' muttered Starscream to himself.

'Could someone explain why my head is bent?' demanded Thrust.

NEXT VERSION!

**THE UNICRON VERSION (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!)**

'NO WAY! NO! NO!'

Wheeljack you have to keep the fans entertained! Anyway this one is going to be pretty short! Wheeljack suddenly got picked up by a very big hand! Then he found himself in outer space in the hands of the planet sized Unicron!

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

Ok we're gonna leave these two alone now but before we go, Unicron how to you intend to **BEEP** Wheeljack?

'First I'm gonna shove my left horn up his ass, then my right and then both. Then I might repeat the process a couple of times.'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'

The next day the Autobots were wondering where Wheeljack was.

'It's not like him to be late.' muttered Ratchet.

Then at that moment Wheeljack walked in. Well he didn't really walk in; he sort of stumbled, like he had a dump in his pants. His legs were stiff and he was leaning over like an old man, moaning every time he took a step. The Autobots looked at him confused.

'Hey Wheeljack you look like a pair of giant horns got shoved up your exhaust!' snickered Jazz.

'Shut…up…you…**BEEP**ing…asshole!'

Stay tuned for the epilogue!!


	5. The End or is it?

**Epilogue**

Wheeljack muttered to himself in his workshop. He had been through hell just to get a girl to notice him and instead learnt that the Autobots and Decepticons were all perverts! The Autobots noticed he was looking funny so Ratchet did a check-up on him this morning but Wheeljack kept thinking that he was going to call him beautiful again. After sitting by himself for a while, Chip rolled in.

'Hey Wheeljack I heard you had one heck of a day yesterday!'

'Don't wanna talk about it!'

'Well don't say I didn't…'

AutobotV: HEY CHIP! SHUT THE **BEEP** UP!

Suddenly Chip is zapped by lighting and dies, hooray!

Wheeljack: YOU CAN'T WRITE THAT!

AutobotV: Fine.

Chip got zapped by lighting and was sent to hospital where he was never heard from again! Anyway Wheeljack was really glad it was all over…until.

'WHEELJACK! GET THE **BEEP** UP HERE NOW!

Wheeljack jumped when he heard his leader's voice over his radio. He went to Teletraan-1's control room where the Autobots were standing glaring at Wheeljack.

'What? What did I do?'

'YOU MIND EXPLAINING THIS?' demanded Optimus Prime pointing at his arm where it was imprinted "I **BEEP**ed Wheeljack!" all down the side.

'What about me?' cried Ironhide,

'For some reason I got pictures of Wheeljack in my mainframe of Wheeljack half naked in my memory banks…in my favourite section…under I LOVE WHEELJACK!'

'For some reason I ended up building a pink bomb shelter with a bed covered in rose petals, animal skins on the floor and scented oils!' wailed Hoist.

'I somehow mixed up this tunes!' moaned Blaster as he began to play back some tunes.

The Theme from the Bodyguard.

_AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE WHEEEEEEEEEEEEELJAAAACK!_

The Theme from Titatanic

_Near, far, wherever you are, I will always try to __**BEEP**__ Wheeeeljack!_

DJ Sammy's Heaven.

_Wheeljack you're all that I want, with you lying here in my arms. Finding it hard to believe we're in heaven._

'Okay that's enough Blaster!' snapped Hound.

'Me Grimlock somehow drew this picture!'

Grimlock then held up a picture that said, ME GRIMLOCK WUV WHEELJACK, and there was a messed up picture of Grimlock holding Wheeljack's hand surrounded by hearts. The whole thing looked like it was drawn by a two year old!

Wheeljack: Grimlock is only 2 years old!

AutobotV: Oh yeah.

'That's not the only problem! We got complaints from the people of Earth saying we destroyed cities and historic sites while chasing you!'

On Teletraan-1's screen it showed Mount Rushmore with the four faces gone and the words, I wanna **BEEP** Wheeljack tonite, was written in their place.

'Also, all the data Teletraan-1 collected as been replaced with all the camera shots of you in the base!'

'Plus somehow Prime's room got trashed!'

'Also somehow Alpha Trion got knocked off a tower on Cybertron and he said it was you!'

'Also the time/space barrier has been ripped open! How did that happen?'

Meanwhile outside base the five Autobots from the future were preparing to return to their time.

'Rodimus, shouldn't we warn Optimus Prime since we're here?' asked Ultra Magnus.

'Nah, let's go!'

And then the Autobots (and loser) from the future returned to their time, leaving one problem fixed. However back inside the base, Wheeljack was in a state of complete shock. How was he gonna explain this without getting pummelled? Then the wall blasted open and the Decepticons stood there angry.

'Megatron, not now! We're busy!' shouted Optimus Prime.

'Silent Prime, I'm here for him!' snarled Megatron pointing at Wheeljack.

He marched up to him and produced a collar.

'I received this in the post today! Apparently I ordered a collar with you name on it!'

'Why the slag would you buy a collar for Wheeljack?' asked Prowl.

'HOW THE SLAG SHOULD I KNOW!'

'I'm also missing some things…from my room…which got totally trashed!' screamed Starscream.

'Plus Thrust somehow got his head all bent!'

'ALSO WE WASTED 200 ENERGON CUBES WITH OUR LASER DOING THAT!' said Soundwave pointing to the sky.

Everyone looked up outside to see the words 'I LOVE YOU WHEELJOCK' engraved on the moon.

'Who the Slag wrote that?' asked Prime.

'Apparently it was Skywarp.'

'You can't spell for slag Skywarp!'

'That's not all!' screamed Megatron,

'I got a call from Shockwave who turned the control room into some romantic setup and he deleted 80 billion years worth of hard work and replaced them with poems dedicated to Wheeljack!'

'Also he's complaining that his back hurts!'

Suddenly Teletraan-1 alerted them all.

'I think you better watch this.' He said.

Then the screen displayed the news channel.

'Welcome to the news. Yesterday it has been confirmed that the Autobots and Decepticons are indeed gay!'

'WHAT!' cried all the Autobots and Decepticons.

'These shots were captured to prove the theory.'

The Autobots and Decepticons watched with jaws handing open. In fact Optimus Prime's face guard fell off by itself, it was that bad. Jazz's visor cracked and Red Alert started spazzing.

'Why the hell am I trying to kiss Wheeljack?'

'Why is Omega Supreme trying to spread Wheeljack's legs open?'

'Where the slag did Megatron get the whips and cuffs?

'Who the hell are those guys…one looks like an under-aged twerp!'

'HOLY SLAG I KISSED WHEELJACK!'

'HOLY SLAG WE WANTED HIS ASS!'

'WHAT THE…I'M WHIPPING SHOCKWAVE?'

'HOLY PRIMUS I TRIED TO **BEEP** HIM!'

Wheeljack was now trying to leave the room but was grabbed by Optimus Prime.

'Wheeljack you better explain now!' he snarled.

I'm not going into great detail so I'll make this quick. Wheeljack then quickly explained to them about how he thought he wasn't good looking enough, how he built the FIL and how it made everyone fall in love with him. Also what Prime, Megatron and Unicron did to him.'

'I DID WHAT!'

'Y-yeah…also Elita-1 saw it!

'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!'

'Megatron, I had no idea you were so sick!'

'I…DIDN'T…I MEAN…I NEVER…I…HOLY SLAG!'

'But how the hell did Unicorn **BEEP** you?'

'I don't wanna talk about it!'

'OK that's it! Everyone, beat the living **BEEP** out of Wheeljack!' ordered Prime and Megatron.

Wheeljack found himself backing up against the wall as the Autobots and Decepticons started advancing towards him. Jeez poor Wheeljack's gonna have a few bruises isn't he!

Wheeljack: DON'T JUST STAND THERE! HELP!

AutobotV: Relax Wheeljack, you're not gonna get beat up!

Wheeljack: How come?

At that moment Ratchet ran into the room.

'Wait everyone! Don't touch him!' he cried.

'Why not?' demanded Jazz.

'He's pregnant!'

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN

There was now a very long, awkward silence, broken by Wheeljack.

'I...I...I'M WHAT!'

'Seriously Wheeljack you are with child and you are now going to be a mother……congratulations!'

Wheeljack almost fainted but what scared him the most was when he saw Optimus suddenly clench his fists almost in anger.

'Op-Optimus! Wait!' he wailed, thinking Optimus was indeed going to hit him.

Then Optimus Prime jumped into the air!

'I'm gonna be a Dad!' he cried.

'And me, Grimlock, will have baby brother to smash!'

'We're gonna be uncles!' cried the rest of the Autobots.

Wheeljack just fell to the floor in shock. How could they take this so lightly? How the heck did he get pregnant? It defied the laws of nature! He was now carrying a kid! Optimus Prime's kid!

'Not so fast Prime!' snarled Megatron.

'According to in AutobotV's Everyone Loves Wheeljack, I also **BEEP**ed Wheeljack in an alternative storyline! Meaning that I must be the father!'

'Don't forget he got **BEEP**ed by Unicron too!'

Wheeljack almost popped a circuit at the thought of carrying the child of either Megatron or Unicron!

'Ratchet! Who is the father?' asked Prowl.

'Until it's born I haven't got a clue!' replied the medic.

'Sweet! Until then, Autobots, find a room and turn it into a nursery!'

'Yes sir!' they all cried running off.

'I get to pick the paint colour!' giggled Sunstreaker.

'W-wait a minute!' screamed Wheeljack.

'Decepticons, I want you to all go out and get all that crap you need to learn how to be a good father!' ordered Megatron.

'Yes sir!' they all cried.

'Soundwave, I want you to download baby songs!'

'H-hold on a sec!'

However Wheeljack suddenly found himself alone, with no one but his kid.

AutobotV: AW Wheeljack! You're gonna be a Mummy!

Wheeljack: HOW! WHY! WHEN!

AutobotV: Clam down Wheeljack, you should be thinking of a name right now for him or her!

Wheeljack: But I don't even know who the father is!

AutobotV: I'll solve that!

Okay everyone if you remembered I asked you all to vote who was gonna **BEEP** Wheeljack. However because so many people voted I did them all!

'Waaaah.' cried Wheeljack, sobbing.

However this time you get to vote who the father is and this time I'm sticking to the rules! Only one outcome and you'll see the results in my next fic "Mama Wheeljack"! I'll give it a week so in the meantime I'll be updating the rest of my fics and you can all wait for the outcome!

'What if you do them all again!'

Nope, I'm only sticking to one! I won't do it again, promise.

'YOU PLANNED THIS DIDN'T YOU!'

N-no…course not…truthfully I planned all three scenes out...and I really wanted to use them all…plus there were so many votes for different choices.

'DAMM YOU!'

See you next time!!


End file.
